By: Tiffany Allen, LCSW-S
Losing is tough—especially for kids. Whether it’s a board game, a soccer match, or a school competition, experiencing loss can trigger frustration, sadness, embarrassment, or even anger. But learning how to lose gracefully is an essential life skill that builds resilience, emotional regulation, and social skills.
Why Losing Feels So Big to Kids
Young children are still developing emotional regulation and perspective-taking, meaning they experience wins and losses more intensely than adults. They see games as a reflection of their abilities, and losing can feel personal. If they haven’t yet learned coping strategies, their frustration may come out as tears, tantrums, or quitting altogether.
How to Help Kids Lose Gracefully
1. Model Good Sportsmanship
Kids learn by watching us. If they see adults blaming referees, getting upset over losses, or showing poor sportsmanship, they’ll mirror that behavior. Instead, model phrases like:
“That was a tough loss, but I had fun playing.”
“I’ll try again next time!”
“They played really well, let’s congratulate them.”
“Oh man I really wanted that card, I bet it will help you so much.”
2. Praise Effort Over Outcome
Instead of focusing on winning, emphasize effort, strategy, and growth:
“I loved how you kept trying, even when it was hard.”
“You made a great move there—that was smart thinking!”
“What did you learn from this game?”
“How lucky was it that you got that special card to move you so far ahead.”
This helps kids detach their self-worth from winning and fosters a growth mindset.
3. Teach Emotional Regulation
If a child gets upset after losing, acknowledge their feelings while guiding them toward healthier responses:
“I see you’re feeling frustrated. It’s okay to feel that way. Let’s take a deep breath together.”
“Want to take a break and try again later?”
“I don’t like it when I loose either, but I do like to see my friends happy when they win.”
Helping them identify and manage emotions sets them up for long-term success in handling disappointment.
4. Reframe Losing as Learning
Shift the narrative from winning vs. losing to learning and improving:
“What’s one thing you did really well today?”
“What’s something you want to try differently next time?”
This keeps kids engaged in activities they might otherwise give up on.
5. Encourage Graceful Reactions
Before playing, talk about how to respond to a loss:
Shake hands and say, “Good game!”
Avoid making excuses or blaming others.
Celebrate the other person’s success.
You can even practice this through role-playing at home!
6. Give Kids Opportunities to Lose in Safe Settings
Playing games at home provides a safe environment to practice losing gracefully. If they struggle, guide them through their reactions with patience. Over time, they’ll build resilience that extends beyond family game night.
The Bigger Picture
Teaching kids to lose gracefully isn’t just about games—it’s about preparing them for life’s inevitable setbacks. Rejections, disappointments, and failures are part of growing up, and kids who learn to handle them with confidence will be better equipped for adulthood.
One of the biggest things you can do as a parent is modeling good sportsmanship, praising effort, teaching emotional regulation, and giving them safe spaces to practice, we can help children develop resilience, emotional intelligence, and a healthy perspective on competition. You can also point out places you notice others showing good sportsmanship and loosing gracefully.
And who knows? They might just start enjoying the game—win or lose.
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